


One month without you

by appatary8523



Category: Coco (2017)
Genre: Gen, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 10:03:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14258598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/appatary8523/pseuds/appatary8523
Summary: Ernesto's retrospective thoughts after one month of have ended with his best friend's life.





	One month without you

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Un mes sin ti](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14243592) by [appatary8523](https://archiveofourown.org/users/appatary8523/pseuds/appatary8523). 



> I'm not a native english speaker, I tried to translate it as close as possible to the version I made in spanish. I apologize in advance in case something doesn't makes sense.

Time flies! It’s been a whole month since I started my new path. It had been decided by the destiny that I had to be the one shining. On my own, with nothing to stop me. But I have to admit it’s weird to walk alone.

We were always two, but now no more.

I have his notebook, filled with the songs that are my way to success. Yes, I’ll sing all around the country, I’ll play for the world.

But why it doesn’t feel good? My audience is waiting, they can’t see me like this. They’re waiting for me and the sound of his guitar… No, MY guitar.

I’ve carried with it in other times, I’ve traveled for so many places with this damn instrument. But since that night it feels very heavy, like if it were keeping something else. Something… Like a weight that I have to carry in my shoulders when I don’t have the guitar around.

Is it guilt? But guilt of what? Everything went just fine! An unknown person lying in the middle of the street, no id. His body is going to be rotten before someone even recognize him. Nobody saw me with him, it was way too late to someone to be meddling.

But if everything went just perfect, why do I feel so bad? It makes zero sense! He was the selfish one!! Him, with a reason to go back to town, didn’t even cared for breaking all my dreams, everything we’ve planned. He wanted to steal my future, I couldn’t let him! In theory, it was a self defense act, am I right?… Right?

Things will get better, I know, but, why do I feel sad then? I have a month traveling at my pace! I don’t need to make a stop in the postal office every week, I can even eat whatever I want. I spend less, it’s easier to take care of myself. But I miss him.

… Why do I cry? If it feels great to pay less for lodging! But when I’m alone in a small room after a hard day… It’s hard to deal with the pressure in silence. I miss how he used to say bad jokes, when he laughed at his own bad jokes, when I was falling asleep and he started laughing because he remembered his bad jokes. Without that it supposed I could sleep better, but that isn’t true. It had never been this hard to fall asleep. The only thing I can see each time I close my eyes is his face, his messy hair, his big nose, his goatee, his golden tooth… His kind and sincere smile…

I can’t understand it, my way to success is clear, why do I keep crying? It’s been a month, I don’t want to think about him, but with each step I take I feel he is by my side.

In some places doesn’t allow me to sing, I’m some others the pay isn’t well as it before. Why? I have talent, I have charisma, I have the right attitude, can’t you see? I have the songs! I have everything!!

But… thinking it a bit… I’ve never been anything without him…

Maybe, when I lost him, I lost everything… Was it worth it? Just for a dream that seems to be fading away?

I don’t know. 

I don’t think so. 

I can’t recognize myself. 

I’m disgusting.

I killed my best friend. 

I killed the hope of his family.

I killed my own happiness.

But why I can’t stop crying?! Stop! Stop it, please!! I’m tired of arriving each night to cry! I can’t stand it, I can’t stand it anymore! I said I couldn’t hate you, and I can’t!! I hate myself more than all I could have hated you in all your life! Maybe…!

Maybe…

Maybe he would have leave without saying a thing… He would have fled of the monster I became…

Maybe… He sees me and laughs at me… From there, from the heaven… He laughs of my suffering.

Maybe… Only maybe… I should have been loyal to him as always… And be at his side…

Maybe… Maybe I should have go with him, and also drink some of that tequila…

Maybe… I can reach him…

Is not too late

Am I right, amigo?


End file.
